Unutterable feeling
from forest come back to the city… but it needs sacrifice… actually it just finish my responsiblity… be a committe in training of my green peace… need much time, energy, and etc… unutterable feeling… when i must slept on the rock and my blanket is a dark sky with or without stars, and when i got up i saw a green view directly, a lot of tall trees, much fresh air, flowing water sound… no everyone can have this experience… unutterable feeling…
when i must cooked for 28 people. even though actually i can’t cook. be proud, may be…
when i always met the same people every day. i always interact with them. share together, laugh together, help each other.. unutterable feeling… when i was sick, they cared me. when i needed help, they helped me… and we had fun together…
unutterable feeling when i lost in the forest for searching a house… we got a wrong way… when i lost, it was rain and night… no lighting… no slipper… i took a backpack… raining… my dress was wet… falling down… i was afraid… no food…. no drink… i was afraid if we were famine… if we must made camp in the road… i gave up… but i thought that i must always had spirit… and i went on my journey to found the house. finally, after i lost 3 hours, i found the house… and do you know??? i always lost if i wanna go to that house… so full of sacrifice… but, may be to get the view of that house, i must paid with lost… unutterable feeling… in there, i always remembered my mom… i wanna go home.. maybe i was homesick…
when i was in my home… i felt alone… i don’t have friend for laugh together, sharing together… eating alone… sleeping alone… huuh…. i feel alone.. lonely… i have no body…
what is the real of endless happiness??? like what???
when we got what we want or desire, is it endless happiness????
huuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh… hhhffffffppppppfff…..
UNUTTERABLE FEELING
Finally
finally i’m free… my examination was over… 10 days was torture… and today, happy holiday… 
evaluation of my exam, hmmm….
the first day, metodologi penelitian, so near so good… the score of my mid test is not too bad… but, i don’t know in the post test.. i hope i can get a good final score.
the second day, epidemiologi kesehatan lingkungan… huhhh….. i believe i can do it, but i don’t know it wrong or right…
the third day, penyakit akibat kerja. arghhh…. so far so good…
the forth day, hukum dan uu kesehatan,,, i don’t really understand about this subject, but fortunately after i read it, i can understand, and i can do it… eventhough my answer are not right all…
the fifth day… surveilans epidemiologi… about malaria, pjk, tbc, afp… i must memorized all of them for one night… crazy… and my lecture told us that the highest score in my class is 62. and our score just C and D… oh my god…
the sixth day.. epidemiologi penyakit menular.. it’s my re-subject. i think i can do it well… ;p
the seventh day, gizi… oh no.. i have many problems with this subject. i almost go away from my class… i don’t really know how my score… i’d just pray…
the eight day… aplikasi komputer… i didn’t study befoare i had exam. but, my score is not to bad. i got 80. :p
the ninth day… farmakologi. 100 questions. oh no.. i can’t answer many questions… hiks3… 
the tenth day, the last day, but i must have two subject. dinamika kelompok and biostatistik non parametrik. so far so good… hahahaha…
it’s the over of my fifth semester. coming up of sixth semester. still keep fighting. i must graduate in 2010… and still pray i can get good score… eventhough i can’t get the best score. but i have done the best for it.
and then… now… happy holiday…. keep smiling, keep fighting, keep laughting, keep having fun, and keep crazy… huahuahua…
Break Away
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I`d just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I`d end up happy
I would pray
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I`d pray
I could break away
I`ll spread my wings and I`ll learn how to fly.
I`ll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won`t forget all the ones that I love.
I`ll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jetplane
Far away
And break away
I`ll spread my wings and I`ll learn how to fly.
I`ll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won`t forget all the ones that I love.
I`ll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging with revolving doors
Maybe I don`t know where they`ll take me
Gotta keep movin on movin on
Fly away
Break away
I`ll spread my wings and I`ll learn how to fly.
Though it`s not easy to tell you goodbye
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won`t forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away
Breakaway
Break away
stress
uhhhh… hfffffffff…….. ternyata detik2 pergantian tahun membuat aq stress… bingung… takut…
semesteran sudah di depan mata. tinggal hitungan hari. 1, 2, 3, 4, dan 5……. huhhh… hiks3…. belom belajar, sebenernya susah konsentrasi untuk belajar. lihat setumpuk kertas yang harus diapal langsung mual, nausea… muntah…..
sebenerny pengen refreshing dulu.. tp apa daya tangan tak sampai… ngarung lewat, ke pantai juga lewat… uhh… sdh smsteran diklat lapangan… uh….. ketika tidur adalah hal yang langka. sebenerny idak jg. tp jarang bakal nyenyak. tidur beralaskan tanah atau batu. hm… berselimut langit malam penuh bintang (my hope) and also full month.. hmm… apolg ado pelangi… 
sekalian kesano untuk mengejar hujan, maen hujan, basah-basahan, mandi di sungai… hm…
12 februari 2009. ado apo sih dengan tanggal ini?? bingung…. hmm… just wait it…
3 jam lagi menuju 2009. sebenerny sih diajak keluar sm kawan. tapi males ah… kawan dio galo, mada’i aq nyelip dewekan.. dak seru….mending d kamar be… bersama para teman tidur ku… huahuahua….
kangen sm ibu… sm adek… love u all…
Flash Back and New Wishes
it’s my tradition for receiving new year…
flash back and new wishes…
at the first, i want to flash back about 2008…
in that year so many sacrifice, fight, patient, etc… i think that year is not bad. but in 2007 is better… uh… so many tears in that year. so many choices…
about my wishes in 2008… (my 20 wishes)
the first wish… alhamdulillah, i got it…. not easy, but if we have fight to get it, nothing is impossible…. the second… it’s my changing.. but i got it…
the third.. i don’t know exactly, but may be i got it… just a half may be…
and the fourth i got it… but just a quarter.. i hope i can get it anymore in 2009, and it will be better… amin… because i so need it…
the fifth… of course… i got it… thank tou Allah…
the sixth… may be i got it…
the seventh… hfff… i got it too… but it’s not really perfect. pangrango, i got the top… a beach, i got it in lampung even though when i came back home, i got a worse news… and i so sad… and then rafting (hmm… insya Allah today i am going to go to bedegung, i want to rafting.. )
the eighth until twentieth, i think i can achieve them a half… but the conclusion is i can reach my wishes more than a half.. bingo… so thanks for ALLAh… i can pass this year well…
my wishes in 2009…
1. always… same like 2008
2. the point is i want to be better than 2008…no cry anymore…
3. like my fourth wish in 2008, but i want it is better for Allah…
4. go to east (bali and lombok)
5. top of mt. kerinci, mt. tujuh, and seminung…
6. umroh… :p
7. increase my goodness
8. always add friends + my best friends
9. watch the movie of the eye of the dolphin
10. i can play guitar, drive a motorcycle, and also car…
11. making my parents proud of me
12. meet a rainbow…
13. (secret……)
14. forget my unimportant memories (because they can be inhibitor to make me walk to future)
15.be …. :p (secret)
16. get scholarship
i hope my wishes com true in 2009… amin…
happy new tear……
La Tahzan
Orang sering keterlaluan, tidak logis, dan hanya mementingkan diri sendiri;
Bagaimanapun, maafkanlah.
Bila engkau baik hati, bisa saja orang lain menuduhmu punya pamrih;
Bagaimnapun, berbaik hatilah.
Bila engkau sukses, engkau akan mendapat beberapa teman palsu dan beberapa sahabat sejati;
Bagaimanapun, jadilah sukses.
Bila engkau jujur dan terbuka, mungkin saja orang lain akan menipumu;
Bagaimanapun, jujur dan terbukalah.
Apa yang engkau bangun selama bertahun-tahun mungkin saja dihancurkan orang lain hanya dalam semalam;
Bagaimanapun, bangunlah.
Bila engkau mendapat ketenangan dan kebahagian, mungkin saja orang lain jadi iri;
Bagaimanapun, bebahagialah.
Kebaikan yang engkau lakukan hari ini, mungkin saja besok sudah dilupakan orang; bagaimanapun, berbuat baiklah.
Bagaimanapun, berikanlah yang terbaik darimu.
Engkau lihat, akhirnya ini adalah urusan antara engkau dengan Tuhanmu, bagaimanapun ini bukan urusan antara engkau dengan mereka.
sincere is not easy
actually, sincere is not easy… it’s so difficult to do…. even though i have tried… anyway… what is sincere????? like what???
being a strong girl is not easy either… i’m just a weak girl…
i miss my mother… i miss my grand father… i miss …………..
now i am trying to be sincere… lost things… just let them lose… and never hope them come back.. because history never come back, just future will come…
and i ‘m just a human… i’m not perfect… i do many faults, many mistakes, and many sins… so don’t ask for me to be a perfect person….
i want to a place for me hiding too… a place that make i be comfort, a placidity place… hmm… where is that???????
i hope i can be sincere…
Amin….
Uncategorized | Comment (0)I Just Wanna Be A Kid
a kid????? yes, of course….
but, can i????
it’s impossible. because we can go back to last…
hmm…. if i can be a kid…. i will not have many problems for solving. when i fall, i can stand directly…. when i cry, i can forget my problem directly….
i will not have anything to make me stress, or make me depress…. no requirement to do every thing… just do what i want to…. and just know about having fun… laugh… and smile….
no regulation if i wanna do something.. if i wanna sit, i have to do like that… if i wanna it, i have to do like that… if i wanna walk, i have to do like that… if i wanna speak up, i have to do like that… and everything… so many regulations whose adult…
actually, be adult is not good choice… but when i was child why do i want to be adult? even though now i’m not a girl, not yet a woman… being adult is so hard… so difficult… when trouble comes, it must be solved… and when it has to solved, will come another trouble… uhhhhh……….
but it’s life… we always change… to avoid those changes is a loss. do not waste to avoid a minute of it avoiding things. let them come to you, and learn from them…
many troubles can be solved…. if we always be a kid, we can’t know how great the world is… but…. sometimes, be a kid anymore is a good hope…
hmmm… just do everything what make you happier….
just accept yourself, because you only live your life once….
Trying to look closer
there are two of my friends called me some days before. they shared with me about their problems. actually, my fiends rarely share their problem with me. but i don’t know, unexpectedly they called me.
the first friend, he has a problem with a girl. but i think that it is not a big problem. i think he just misunderstand. but believe that it ’s just time problem to forget your problem. i just can cheer up you… keep fighting yow…
my second friend, i think his problem is so big. so complicated and so hard to solve that. i have heard the chronology. waw… i don;t believe that is like on tV. i know your feeling. i know you won’t do like that. i believe you. i will always beside you if you need me. just call me, and i will hear. sorry, if i can’t help to solve that. i have explained why. it’s so impossible. my opinion, if you really just a victim, believe it, you will not chose the final choice, the worst choice. key…. ganbate….
keep fighting!!!! i will here with you, even though your sky begins to fall, i’ll stay with you until you smile. when you feel sad or empty inside, i’ll show you that you are not alone. anf when nothing seems to be going right and you need a friend… i’ll stay only for you. because you are my friends of mine…
and try to look your problem closer, and you’ll more understand.
i just wanna say
i just wanna say i am disappointed… uh… when i have done my assignment, my part, the part of my friends, they didn’t make it… perhaps i have a problem with nutrition subject… all of that… and also all of my doing is useless… so tired… ;-(
i’m disappointed with my friends… arghhhhhhhhh…. i don’t know what i must do for all of you… just hope our assignments will finish on time… ;-(
i just wanna say that i’m confused… i have tried to think all of that. but they stuck… can’t solve yet… can you explain what i must do? i don’t always want to stay in this condition. stop to make me confused. stop to disturb me. i wanna stop to hope… ;-(
i just wanna say that i want to be alone first now… live me alone…
i wanna cry……. hiks3… i’m so tired… i’m disappointed… i’m sad… i wanna angry, but whom???
;-(
;-(
;-(
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