Trying to Keep My Faith
hiks.. hiks.. hiks…. huuhhhhhhhhhhhhh…. so tired…
start from last night. i can’t sleep. and today, in my campus, i started to study from 8 until 2.30…. uhhh.. without having lunch. i was hungry.. until now i am still hungry…
when i was in bukit. i prayed in technique mosque. and then i went to my english course, with a hunger stomach, tired, and not well body. my waist is sick. hiks3… but, i kept my faith, still keep my spirit.
at six, i went to tower. there was a meeting there. but i didn’t bring my slayer. my friends force me to push up. uh… it was ok… even though i was sick, i was hungry, and i was tired… but why did they say it many times??? i hate hearing it. they were like not trust me… uuuhhh…when the meeting finished, i pushed up. and i saw them laugh… my heart was sick… how about another who didn’t come??? will they push up too??? the answer is ‘no’. and how about me??? i came. but pushed up. i tried not to cry… i know there is someone between them who is not like me. after i pushed up, i went… i hate them… i hate their way make me like this. i walked alone, with keeping my tears…
but, there was someone run me… he wanted to company me to my house. but i rejected him. he still run me. but i still rejected. he forced until i cried. many people saw me. i didn’t care. i was tired…
what am i??? i am mad… this is your giving after i have been kind of you. isn’t it??? should i try to keep my faith???
is there someone who still stay beside me when i need???is there someone who gives his/her shoulder when i cry??? is there someone who cheer up me when i’m sad?? is there someone who gives me a hope to continue my life when i give up?? is there someone who keeps my faith???
Uncategorized | Comment (1)Say ‘NO’ Forever
why???? because it is better than if i say ‘yes’… hahaha……. i wanna not care about everything, just doing what i want… i don’t wanna be someone whom i don’t know… not be myself… not being someone that people want… look my real me, i don’t want to wear mask (anymore)… it’s me.. i don’t perfect… i’m not a robot, and i’m also not a angel… i have many bad sides, even though i have good sides too…
i am tired that i said yes… i’m TIRED… and now, i want to say ‘NO’… sorry, but it’s better… more than everything… try to sincere is not too bad actually… just try to look another side, before we understand what has happened… learning is not a better way… i don’t want there is a “force” word in my life……………..
i’m happy today… so, don’t disturb it… i just want to laugh and smile to fill my life with full happiness…. no tears, no lies, and no secrets… and there are still many tears, lies, and secrets around me….
i wanna restart my life… looking for a happiness, not a sadness…. getting a truth, not a lie… trying to laugh, not to cry… feeling a love, not a grudge….
i wanna scream….. i want to heal the world, but it’s more important if i heal myself first. heal the injuries… heal the hurts…
i just wanna laugh… LAUGH… and LAUGH…………
Uncategorized | Comment (1)It was Special, It’s not Special
huahuahua… i just wanna laugh… last year it was special, but now it’s not special (anymore)… why??? that’s why…………
one day without sleep… with full moon in a dark sky… it was full of memories… colorfull… smile, laugh, sad, disappointed, crying… but now, it’s not in my mind (anymore)… trying to forget all… if i have a change to release one of memory in my life, i wanna release that memory… all of them… actually i don’t hurt, but i can describe my feeling now. many events happened… but all of them just go away, leave me in confusing… before i understand them…
forgive and forget… perhaps i just can do that… needing a part of heart to can sincere… needing a part of mind to accept them… needing a part of kindness to try smiling… needing all of time to keep my faith, my principles, and the truth… and also need a pray to pass all of them…
always pray, but i don’t know my concrit praying. i juat want the best for me… for everything… for every part of my life… i want to go out from this trap…a invisible trap… i just wanna say: i can’t survive (anymore)… just let it flow… don’t disturb its growth…
and after all of happen, it is not special (anymore). just keep your faith, if you think it’s true… or it will be true… but trying to see the real… and thinking long term…it’s not about yesterday or today, it’s about tomorrow, and forever……….
please understand………….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was special, but it isn’t special… in side of a night, still be yourself… i don’t have grudge for everything…..
Uncategorized | Comment (0)THe Troublemaker Shoes
hiks3…. it’s really terrible day… maybe it’s because i worn thaose shoes… a pair of white shoes…
i worn those shoes to go to campuss in layo. when i was in bukit, one by one part of my shoes lost… from the ribbon lost until the convering…
i tried to feel fine… but, the condition didn’t support… from bukit, i must get abus until stasiun kertapapti, and then i got a train to layo… hua3… it means i must walk more than generally… and with many people arround me… but, i got an idea. i sms my friends, i forced her to bring a slipper for me, and she must waited me in stasiun layo…
finally, i was in stasiun layo.. i’ve changed my shoes with slipper. then i went to campuss, i saw my score. not to bad. gizi is B. Epid Kesling A. Metopen B. but, really i don’t sattisfied with my score… it’s not same with my desire…. 
when i went to home. my head was not well. i felt i wanna fall down… why was happen????
Quote
As we grow up… we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. you will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. you’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. you’ll fight with your best friend. you blame a new love for things an old one did. you’ll cry because time is passing too fast. and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. so take too many pictures, laugh to much, and love like you’ve never been hurt. because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back. don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
in the long run, it’s not a question of whether they deserve to be forgiven. you’re not forgiving them for their sake. you’re doing it for yourself. for your health and well-being, forgiveness is simply the most energy-efficient option. it frees you from the incredibly toxic, debilitating drain of holding the grudge. don’t let these people live rent free in your head. 99,9 % of the time, the only person a grudge affects is the person holding on to it. if they hurt you before, why let them keep doing it year after year in your mind? it’s not worth it but it takes heart effort to stop it. you can muster that heart power to forgive them is a way of looking out yourself. it’s one thing you can be totally selfish about.
you change for one of two reasons, ‘you learn enough to want to’ or ‘you’ve been hurt enough you have to’.
i’ve made mistakes in my life. i’ve let people get advantage of me, and i accepted way less than i deserve. but, i’ve learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things i can never get back and people who will never be sorry. i’ll know better next time and i won’t settle for anything less than i deserve
i believe that everything happens for a reason. people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them. when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
for all the tears i cried, for all the sacrifice, for all the drama. cuz in the end it made me stronger, so trust me i’ll be fine. i’ll survive. and i want you to know: that you were the one that broke my heart, but i won’t fall apart. no, i’m so moving on. you were the one made me strong, you made me stand up on my own with every cruel intention you helped me find my independence. it’s all because of you that i have the strength i do to turn my pain to passion instead of crashing.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)LoneLy
AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hiks3…. i’m alone in my home… nobody except me… watching tv alone… sitting down alone…. eating alone…i’m bored…
calling someone… i’m lazy… sms someone… i’ve done… but, i’m still bored… chatting… i’m lazy…can i do something new???
go somewhere… no friend to company me… and i don’t know where i wanna go too… is there the new place that i can visit???
plan wanna go to lampung, it’s canceled… no vacation… no beach.. no beautiful view… hmm….
where is my colorful days??? why do i feel alone??? where is my busy days???
show me the meaning of being lonely !!!!!!!! arrrrrghhhh………
What Am I Looking For???
an unlimited happiness… it’s the answer… perhaps it’s impossible, but it will be looked for…
what do i want??? i don’t know exactly, like what, like how… i just continue my life like juts let it’s flow… what must the people do??? i don’t know too.. i can’t answer it… i don’t want them like that, and i don’t want too them like this… they aren’t wrong, and they aren’t right too… everything is wrong…
what do i need??? i don’t know… everything is i don’t know… i just keep silent in my place and think what i must do… i’m confused… i’m worry… and i’m afraid… why am i afraid??? it’s like your question. and i never give you the answer… because i don’t know how i can explain all of my problems… thanks for your caring…
why did you cry yesterday night??? i don’t know i must happy or sad when i know you cried… you never cry in front of me… you want i understand you, but you never try to understand me… and you don’t know why you can do that… you ask me, what must you do??? and i just can answer, i don’t know… because i don’t know what am i looking for, what do i want, and what do i need….
what must i do??? smiling??? laughing??? or crying??? all of them can’t make me have a peace…
what am i looking for??? the truth.. is it true??? because there are many lies and secrets surround me…
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